• Posted by Meghan on 04 Nov 2011

We’ve reached the end of the road in some ways.  Little Angels (the adoption agency here in Kenya) won’t accept a home study completed here and signed off on by an agency in the U.S.  In order to avoid splitting up the family, we applied for the visitors visa once again.  We had letters from Senator Lugar’s office, Congressman Rokita’s office and a letter from a new friend, Randy Tobias, who is a former Eli Lilly CEO and also headed up PEPFAR and USAID for President Bush.  We took in everything we could think of to support our case, but were denied again.  We haven’t completely given up hope of a visitors visa because we were told part of the reason for the denial was that the US wasn’t comfortable letting us leave Kenya with Eden with the travel order we have.  They say we have to have a travel order from the high courts, which our lawyer is going to get on Monday.  While we’re not giving up on the visitors visa, we also have a time crunch on the adoption because our home study has to be completed and turned in to Little Angels before the first Wednesday in December if we want them to review our case before Christmas.

So, tonight we made a really hard decision.  Ben booked flights for he, Andy and me to fly back to Indy on Tuesday night.  My dad was here in Nairobi this past week for UN meetings and is going to stay with Eden while we’re gone next week.  Ben and I are both very relieved that Eden can stay with him and are thankful that my dad is willing and able to take the time off to hang out in Eldoret with her.  It will be much easier for Eden to have us gone for the week if she’s spending it with Papa.

The hardest part about all of this is that next Sunday, Ben will come back to Kenya, but Andy and I will stay in West Lafayette with my parents.  We have gone round and round and looked at all of our options, but a national doctor’s strike begins December 5 in Kenya and it’s unlikely to be resolved before my due date.  Also, the hospitals here in Eldoret don’t really have NICU capabilities if they were needed.  It seems safest for Grace and me to deliver in the US.  Unfortunately, this means that when I leave on Tuesday, I have no idea when Andy and I will see Eden again.

It’s possible that the adoption will wrap up quickly and that Eden would be granted an I-130 immigration visa before Grace is born.  It’s also possible that we might have to wait 2 years after the adoption is finalized, if the US decides that our 2009 custody order doesn’t count.  It’s possible that Ben will be able to apply for another visitors visa after he gets back and that it would be granted, but it seems unlikely since we’ve been denied twice.

You can’t imagine how horrible it feels to separate Eden and Andy.  I am so afraid of what that will do to them and their relationship.  I can’t describe how terrible I feel about having to leave Eden.  I know that she will be fine with Ben, but I will miss her so much, and I worry that she will feel abandoned.  Also, if she ever finds out that I have been to Deda’s house without her, I don’t know if she will forgive me.  I will probably miss Eden’s birthday and maybe Christmas.  She might not be there when Grace is born, and she is so excited about helping me with the baby.  Not to mention that Ben possibly won’t see Andy until January.  And of course, I will miss Ben, too!  I keep telling myself that 5 or 10 years from now it won’t matter, but right now it feels really, really awful.  We do find comfort in knowing that our decision means that Eden won’t stay in Kenya alone, and we honestly feel like this is the best way we can care for and protect everyone in our family.

Ben and I are tired of fighting the US and we are so sad right now.  That leaves us with prayer.  Please pray for us as we enter a time of separation.  Pray for our relationships and for safe travels and most of all, pray that Eden gets to come home SOON!  This is not what we hoped and planned for, but we KNOW that God is still in control and that He has a purpose in this.  We’ve seen God work plenty of miracles before so we’re anxiously waiting to see what comes next.


6 Responses to “Heart Broken”

  1. Neila Pannell Says:

    Ben and Meghan…I am heart-broken for you, but continue to pray and ask God to make a way. Neila

  2. Carey Says:

    “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NIV).

    It was great talking to you earlier….just remember, that God knows what He is doing, even though we do not see it. I (along with everyone I have asked) will continue to pray and lift up Eden’s name {along with the rest of you} in prayer. Love you all.

  3. deby elias Says:

    Your Aunt Donna has been keeping me informed about all you’ve been through with Eden’s adopton. Having an adopted sister and hearing all that she and my parents went through so many years ago, I am praying that your family too will be blessed and reunited. You are all in my prayers !!!

  4. Alice Says:

    Donna has been keeping us posted. I think of you often . Our prayers are with you.

  5. Michelle Banning Says:

    Praying for your family Meghan…so sad for you and your separation…wishing you the best in the hours, weeks and months to come! There are people in Columbus, Ohio praying diligently for you and your family…much love…Michelle Banning

  6. L James Says:

    I am thinking and praying for all to go well.
    This touched my heart so much! Your love for Eden crosses so many bridges it is so wonderful! And I love how your family is behind you 100%! God Speed!

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